A white Massachusetts man showed up at his trial on murder charges with a newly carved swastika in his head. The judge said “we also would’ve just accepted a plea of guilty”.

Bernie Madoff’s former secretary says he often made overtly sexually remarks. However, she says she misunderstood the context when he invited her to watch him screw 1000’s of people.

Terrorists are now using hip hop style videos to recruit new members. Which makes it less offensive to refer to Osama Bin Laden as Old Dirty Bastard. Middle East Side!

Google Maps has a new feature that shows interactive historic maps of NYC. According to the map, 250 years ago it took 4 hours to get from Wall Street to what's now Central Park, 4 hours and 20 minutes with traffic.

Amazon unveiled a larger Kindle that can hold all of a student’s textbooks. Many are concerned that without bulky, hard to carry textbooks, dorky high school boys won’t be able to meet hot new girls in the movies.

Miss California, who is now an anti-gay-marriage spokesperson, defended her racy photos saying that most models pose for lingerie and swimsuit photos. That is true. Also, most models don’t speak.

Chrysler lost 17 billion dollars last year. Most of it just fell into that space between the seat and the console where your hand won't fit.

A notebook was found from the 1800's containing the original recipe for Dr. Pepper. The ledger features 2 pages of ingredients and the rest repeated scribblings of “I Hate You Coca-Cola”.

Jimmy Buffet has become a part owner of the Miami Dolphins saying the relationship makes marketing sense because he’s known for island living. The opportunity comes just in time too as Buffet was about to record his new album “I'm kind of into Vikings”.

Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon celebrated their 1st anniversary defying cynics who'd said the unusual pairing was all for publicity. Nick surprised Mariah with a party for friends and she surprised him by learning his name.

Terrorists are blowing up targets using innocent donkeys fit with explosives. Informed that they'd be rewarded with 72 virgins, donkeys said “We can get laid on our own thanks!”.

Mexico says the swine flu has ebbed and it's safe to visit Mexico again. Today Montazuma released a statement saying “Helloooo! Still here, THANK YOU!"

The Supreme Court is reviewing its indecency ruling regarding Janet Jackson’s wardrobe malfunction. A big question is whether the breast exposure which only lasted 9/16ths of a second can be considered decipherable . Whatever the court's verdict, I just want to remind my buddies from 7th grade , anything over half a second totally counts!

April 30th Jokes

A 17 year-old girl beat back two would be muggers using her marching band baton. Police have asked that if anyone can identify the two men, please don’t make fun of them.

Police are asking anyone with knowledge of the suspects to come forward and……stop!

Republicans have formed a special committee to seek a winning strategy for the 2010 elections. So far they’ve come up with “Become Democrats”.

Mexico's President has not spoken publicly since the Swine Flu outbreak. Asked about his failure to give a national address or an interview, President Obama said “I’ll give it! I’ll do it! Can I? Dibs!"

An Austrian court jailed a known Holocaust denier for propagating Nazi ideas. When he asked if he could appeal, the court replied “oh, you’re not in jail” as they led him to his cell.