Oops Extra - December 1

Here are more bonus jokes from last week's Life and Style Magazine Oops Section!

Let me know what you like best!

Kat Deluna

• The Lava Lamp Look
• Is she being swallowed alive?
• Oh no, the man-eating redfish!
• She looks batter fried

Leighton Meester

• Helena Bonham Carter Lookalike winner
• Playing the part of Helena Bonham Carter
• The Old West brothel look
• Death becomes her
• Before heading in to her body wax

Mischa Barton It's always Oktoberfest somewhere! Like a German mailman The new German mailman look Oh Grandma, what poor taste you have Phoebe Price Auditioning for Jesse James’ new girlfriend Captain Overdoingit An Officer and a Gentledog Uncle Sam’s been replaced by Slutty Phoebe War. What is it good for? Outfits like this! What's on her hat? Is she in Fudgie the Whale's Army?

Life and Style - November 29 - Oops Extra!

Do you read my quips in Life and Style Magazine's Oops section? Thought it would be fun to show what didn't make it:

Nikki Minaj

• Pinkaliscious
• Seriously dedicated to Breast cancer awareness!
• Like a photo negative of the Little Mermaid

Mischa Barton

• Gap Advertisement – 1994
• Stepping out for the early bird special
• Best dressed at the early bird special
• Like Indiana Jones’ grandmother

Kelly Osbourne

• Meet our newest Casino Hostess, Kelly!
• Little Ivana Trump
• Goldilocks
• You come a long way baby!

Rihanna

• Raise your hand if the airline lost your luggage
• Auditioning for the role of Eve
• Auditions for “America’s Got No Fashion Sense!”
• I have had this dream too!
• No, its if your nervous picture the AUDIENCE in their underwear!

Chelsea Clinton

• Inspired by the Rose Garden.

• Something tells me she misses the Rose Garden

• Still daddy’s little girl

Miley Cyrus

• I do declare
• Kiss my grits!
• Finger lickin’ good sounds so wrong
• Hannah Montana gets Kentucky Fried

All images property of Life and Style Magazine.

Facebook Buzzkill

As amazing as Facebook is, it kind of ends up ruining old fashioned reunions. I ran into a friend I havent seen since soon after college. At first, we were like "Great to see you. It's been more than 10 years!" But whereas you used to be like, "what have you been up to?", I was like "so, I saw your son had a cold last week.""I know what you do, I know who you married, I've seen your kids, and what matters most, I already know exactly how you look." Other than that, whats the point of running into you?

A white Massachusetts man showed up at his trial on murder charges with a newly carved swastika in his head. The judge said “we also would’ve just accepted a plea of guilty”.

Bernie Madoff’s former secretary says he often made overtly sexually remarks. However, she says she misunderstood the context when he invited her to watch him screw 1000’s of people.

Terrorists are now using hip hop style videos to recruit new members. Which makes it less offensive to refer to Osama Bin Laden as Old Dirty Bastard. Middle East Side!

Google Maps has a new feature that shows interactive historic maps of NYC. According to the map, 250 years ago it took 4 hours to get from Wall Street to what's now Central Park, 4 hours and 20 minutes with traffic.

Amazon unveiled a larger Kindle that can hold all of a student’s textbooks. Many are concerned that without bulky, hard to carry textbooks, dorky high school boys won’t be able to meet hot new girls in the movies.

Miss California, who is now an anti-gay-marriage spokesperson, defended her racy photos saying that most models pose for lingerie and swimsuit photos. That is true. Also, most models don’t speak.

Chrysler lost 17 billion dollars last year. Most of it just fell into that space between the seat and the console where your hand won't fit.

A notebook was found from the 1800's containing the original recipe for Dr. Pepper. The ledger features 2 pages of ingredients and the rest repeated scribblings of “I Hate You Coca-Cola”.

Jimmy Buffet has become a part owner of the Miami Dolphins saying the relationship makes marketing sense because he’s known for island living. The opportunity comes just in time too as Buffet was about to record his new album “I'm kind of into Vikings”.

Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon celebrated their 1st anniversary defying cynics who'd said the unusual pairing was all for publicity. Nick surprised Mariah with a party for friends and she surprised him by learning his name.

Terrorists are blowing up targets using innocent donkeys fit with explosives. Informed that they'd be rewarded with 72 virgins, donkeys said “We can get laid on our own thanks!”.

Mexico says the swine flu has ebbed and it's safe to visit Mexico again. Today Montazuma released a statement saying “Helloooo! Still here, THANK YOU!"

The Supreme Court is reviewing its indecency ruling regarding Janet Jackson’s wardrobe malfunction. A big question is whether the breast exposure which only lasted 9/16ths of a second can be considered decipherable . Whatever the court's verdict, I just want to remind my buddies from 7th grade , anything over half a second totally counts!

April 30th Jokes

A 17 year-old girl beat back two would be muggers using her marching band baton. Police have asked that if anyone can identify the two men, please don’t make fun of them.

Police are asking anyone with knowledge of the suspects to come forward and……stop!

Republicans have formed a special committee to seek a winning strategy for the 2010 elections. So far they’ve come up with “Become Democrats”.

Mexico's President has not spoken publicly since the Swine Flu outbreak. Asked about his failure to give a national address or an interview, President Obama said “I’ll give it! I’ll do it! Can I? Dibs!"

An Austrian court jailed a known Holocaust denier for propagating Nazi ideas. When he asked if he could appeal, the court replied “oh, you’re not in jail” as they led him to his cell.

Jokes from April 29

A recent Men’s Health magazine article said pork rinds top their list of the healthiest junk food you can eat. Kudos to Pigs for diverting our attention from that story.

Oliver Stone and Michael Douglas are on board for a sequel to the 80’s classic Wall Street that will reflect the current financial crisis. The opening scene features Gordon Gecko saying “maybe greed was not so good.”

Democrats said the Fox network insulted President Obama by skipping his speech to air a show called “Lie to Me”. Fox isn’t new to this controversy. Viewers often confused Bush’s addresses with “Are you Smarter than a Fifth grader?”.

A former astronaut claims we are not alone in the universe. When asked how humans might compare to other intelligent forms of life, he said our Miss Universe would still be the hottest.

Kansas Governor Kathleen Sebius was confirmed today as Obama’s new health and human services secretary. Told that she's now responsible for stopping the swine flu, Sebius said “Come to think of it, are you positive I paid all my taxes?”

Schools around the country are canceling field trips due to budget cuts. Angry teachers call it a missed opportunity to teach outside the classroom, and a waste of over 900,000 already printed permission slips.

Said one father, “It's hard to explain to my son why he might not take a trip to the local zoo next year.” Yes, especially since you could probably just take him yourself.