Jokes from April 29

A recent Men’s Health magazine article said pork rinds top their list of the healthiest junk food you can eat. Kudos to Pigs for diverting our attention from that story.

Oliver Stone and Michael Douglas are on board for a sequel to the 80’s classic Wall Street that will reflect the current financial crisis. The opening scene features Gordon Gecko saying “maybe greed was not so good.”

Democrats said the Fox network insulted President Obama by skipping his speech to air a show called “Lie to Me”. Fox isn’t new to this controversy. Viewers often confused Bush’s addresses with “Are you Smarter than a Fifth grader?”.

A former astronaut claims we are not alone in the universe. When asked how humans might compare to other intelligent forms of life, he said our Miss Universe would still be the hottest.

Kansas Governor Kathleen Sebius was confirmed today as Obama’s new health and human services secretary. Told that she's now responsible for stopping the swine flu, Sebius said “Come to think of it, are you positive I paid all my taxes?”

Schools around the country are canceling field trips due to budget cuts. Angry teachers call it a missed opportunity to teach outside the classroom, and a waste of over 900,000 already printed permission slips.

Said one father, “It's hard to explain to my son why he might not take a trip to the local zoo next year.” Yes, especially since you could probably just take him yourself.