Jokes in the news - April 24ish

April 24

An Arab sheik was caught on video torturing a civilian with cattle prods, whips, sand and an SUV. The White House had no comment on the video but Dick Cheney gave it 2 thumbs up.

Octomom wants to get a pet pig. Finally a sensible decision. If you’re gonna add members to your household, at least make them ones you can eat when you need to.

Michael Jackson was not in his car when it was involved in a hit and run recently. MJ did say due to damages he might’ve sustained had he been in the car, he’ll have reconstructive surgery anyways.

NYC home prices have dropped 15%. Real estate experts say the apartments selling best have moneymaking benefits like high efficiency appliances, tax abatements and meth labs.

President Obama met yesterday with 13 executives from the credit card companies. No actions were taken but they did all agree that cards with pictures of your cat are the cutest.

Pranksters left a live shark at the door of an Australian newspaper. The shark was too upset to discuss details of the incident but said it’s the last time he follows some guy offering a great deal on a timeshare.

Yahoo said it’s shutting down its Geocities service for hosting free home pages. Is that how bad the real estate market is? People are now losing their home pages?

Apple apologized for a new iPhone game that has players quiet a virtual crying baby by shaking the device. They also decided not to continue development of their new energy saving LapTops that are powered by racism.

A Tunisian man claims he was tortured by the US 8 months before the CIA authorized it. A CIA official confirmed that yes, at that time torture was not sanctioned and frankly, it made it much more exciting.

Shirley MacLaine turned 75 years old this week. Well, 1095 if you add it all up.